Now that I've been doing this whole mom thing for a solid (almost) 22 months, I feel like I've finally come to terms and said goodbye to what my life used to be. You know, the life when you had the luxury of making plans days or weeks in advance and actually keeping those plans? The days when the only party you needed to be concerned with was yourself, or on a rather generous day your significant other as well. But those days are no more. There are moments when I forget what life I'm living now and I make plans with my non-mommy friends to meet up in 1 week, only to wake up that morning with a kid who's nose is running. I call said non-mommy friend and I reschedule for the next week (Clearly not learning my lesson) only to wake up on the rescheduled day to a child (and a mother) who didn't sleep a wink the night before thanks to a new tooth coming in. Again, I had to cancel because there was no way we were doing anything that day that required me to shower or to get in anything other than my PJ's. I hate doing this and I hate hearing my non-mommy friends pretend to be understanding when I'm sure in their minds they saying "Really? She's cancelling again? Are we even really friends anymore?" But we are, and I'm doing the best that I can, but I'm a Mom and I no longer live in your world of "Do what I want when I want' I am now a permanent resident of "Last Minute World".
Last Minute World is a land that you enter the minute you have your first child. Where the days of planning in advance are thrown out the door with last weeks dirty diapers. You find comfort in your other mommy friends who you can text to make play date plans 20 minutes before you want to meet up and it's not a problem. You search out doctors offices who understand when you have to cancel your appointment for that day "because I have a 2 year old" and no other explanation is needed. Living in this world while still communicating with outsiders can cause a lot of problems though. It feels like once a week I'll accidentally slip into the regular world and will text my Mother-In-Law "Hey, Mr. L and I are at Costco, would you be up for a quick visit in 10 minutes?" Just as I hit send on that text, I remember that I'm NOT texting my friend Angie who has 3 kids under 4 and would completely understand my out of the blue request to meet up. No, I'm actually texting my 50 year old mother in law who, like most everyone else in the world, needs a bit more notice than 10 minutes to prepare for a visit in her own home. I feel horrible whenever I do this because then I'm putting it on her to "cancel" when really it's me who has stepped out of line expecting my impromptu request for a date to be accepted.
So if you happen to be "an outsider" who is friends with a lot of mom's and you get frustrated when they cancel on you, or annoyed when they only seem to have time to see or talk to you in 5 minute increments, or they make plans without warning; go easy on them. Find joy in the mere fact that they're thinking of you; they've just forgotten what world you both live in. And when you find yourself in "our" world, we'll welcome you with open arms and will accept all of the play dates you ask us out on even if you can only meet for 20 minutes, at the park closer to you in 5 minutes and when you warn us that you haven't showered yet that day and aren't sure if you brushed your teeth or not; we'll just laugh because more than likely we're in the exact same boat.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
BlogHer '12: What's The Voice of My Blog?
This past year for Christmas, The Hubs outdid himself. He got me tickets to the BlogHer 2012 Conference in NYC this coming August! I'm beyond thrilled, and to be honest quite scared, to attend this event. It will be 2 full days of schmoozing, introducing myself, learning how to be a better blogger and getting to know some fellow bloggers...oh goodness, can I go back to saying I'm quite scared!? I'm horrible at schmoozing, and I'm horrible at introducing myself and I'm even more horrible at meeting new people. So what in the WORLD am I going to do in NYC, alone, for TWO DAYS?! After reading this entry by I Pick Pretty, I know one thing is for sure, I need to start doing my homework...NOW.
Reading Melissa's post got me to ask myself a pretty important question regarding The Mommy Stop - what is my voice? In other words, what am I trying to say? What is the message I want to get out to all of my readers? In a nutshell, I want my voice to be that of comfort. I want new Mom's to be reassured that what they are doing with their babies is the right thing. There is so much information out there for mom's telling us how doing X will damage our child forever or doing Y will set them back years in development. But there seems to be a real lack in words of encouragement and I want to be that voice. I would love for my posts to make a new mom smile, or to breathe a sigh of relief over something they'd been beating themselves up over only to read something I've written telling them that they and their baby will be fine. Granted, I'm not a doctor, and I technically don't have the "authority" to tell someone that by doing Y they will be doing their baby the best thing, but I am a Mom and I do try to parent with my gut and do what I think feels right, despite what other websites may say. I feel like I mention the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" a lot, but I just find so much truth in that. It absolutely does take a village; raising a child is not something you can do on your own. Even if you have an amazing husband, and an amazing family to help babysit, you still need that tight knit community of other Moms who are in this with you. You need to know that things are going to get better, you need to be assured you can cry at the tough times and laugh at the high times. I don't think there is enough of that going around today for Moms and I would love for people to think of me when they need some reassurance.
I would also love to write a book one day. I think I have talents in both writing and giving advice/reason and I would love to combine those two skills into a book (And as The Hubs likes to tell me, I'm so wordy in my writing a book is the only place that could contain me!). I had a great pregnancy and I always toyed with the idea of writing a book about how much attitude can play in to your pregnancy experience. I'm thinking I may take up that train of thought again and maybe have a couple of sample chapters to bring with me to the conference. Any number of people could be at this conference; editors, publishers or just new friends who could be a great resource for me to bounce ideas off of. What's that saying? Success is what happens when preparation meets opportunity?
I think from now until August I'll have plenty of time to prepare, hone my voice and get ready to introduce myself to the world of blogging!
Wish me luck!
Reading Melissa's post got me to ask myself a pretty important question regarding The Mommy Stop - what is my voice? In other words, what am I trying to say? What is the message I want to get out to all of my readers? In a nutshell, I want my voice to be that of comfort. I want new Mom's to be reassured that what they are doing with their babies is the right thing. There is so much information out there for mom's telling us how doing X will damage our child forever or doing Y will set them back years in development. But there seems to be a real lack in words of encouragement and I want to be that voice. I would love for my posts to make a new mom smile, or to breathe a sigh of relief over something they'd been beating themselves up over only to read something I've written telling them that they and their baby will be fine. Granted, I'm not a doctor, and I technically don't have the "authority" to tell someone that by doing Y they will be doing their baby the best thing, but I am a Mom and I do try to parent with my gut and do what I think feels right, despite what other websites may say. I feel like I mention the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" a lot, but I just find so much truth in that. It absolutely does take a village; raising a child is not something you can do on your own. Even if you have an amazing husband, and an amazing family to help babysit, you still need that tight knit community of other Moms who are in this with you. You need to know that things are going to get better, you need to be assured you can cry at the tough times and laugh at the high times. I don't think there is enough of that going around today for Moms and I would love for people to think of me when they need some reassurance.
I would also love to write a book one day. I think I have talents in both writing and giving advice/reason and I would love to combine those two skills into a book (And as The Hubs likes to tell me, I'm so wordy in my writing a book is the only place that could contain me!). I had a great pregnancy and I always toyed with the idea of writing a book about how much attitude can play in to your pregnancy experience. I'm thinking I may take up that train of thought again and maybe have a couple of sample chapters to bring with me to the conference. Any number of people could be at this conference; editors, publishers or just new friends who could be a great resource for me to bounce ideas off of. What's that saying? Success is what happens when preparation meets opportunity?
I think from now until August I'll have plenty of time to prepare, hone my voice and get ready to introduce myself to the world of blogging!
Wish me luck!
Monday, April 16, 2012
MommyStop Craft Corner: Baby Canvas Artwork
The Hubs celebrated a birthday this past weekend and while we agreed on giving each other pretty basic gifts, I wanted Mr. L to give The Hubs something very special and memorable (and not to mention easy and cheap as well!). I'm sure you all agree that when you have kids, having them create a gift for someone is almost always better than buying a gift and signing their name on the card.
So this year, I had Mr. L create a one of a kind piece of art and it was an absolute hit with the hubs! I thought I'd share the details here so all of you can create this same memorable gift for your loved ones (OR, if your hubs is reading this, maybe they can have your little one create one for Mother's Day!).
All you need is:
Just pour your paints onto paper plates and let your child choose which colors they want to use. Mr. L started out using some of the brushes I had, but quickly got down and dirty by using his hands. By the end of it all, I was squeezing whichever paint color he wanted to use directly on the canvas and letting him rub it around the canvas with his hands.
At one point, I turned away for a second and Mr. L did this:
I just realized that I don't have a picture of the finished product, but I'm sure you can use your imagination. The Hubs absolutely loved the gift and even took it to work with himself this morning to put up in his office (Score!). So if someone special in your life has a birthday or a celebration coming up, think of doing this simple craft! It's sure to be a hit!
So this year, I had Mr. L create a one of a kind piece of art and it was an absolute hit with the hubs! I thought I'd share the details here so all of you can create this same memorable gift for your loved ones (OR, if your hubs is reading this, maybe they can have your little one create one for Mother's Day!).
All you need is:
- 1 Canvas in any size (I used 8x10)
- A variety of finger paints (I picked up a 4 pack of Crayola paints at Target for around $5)
- 1 naked baby (Diaper only - this can get messy if you do it right)
- Enough newspaper to cover your table, floor and any other surface within SPLATTERING area!
- A variety of paint brushes (optional)
Just pour your paints onto paper plates and let your child choose which colors they want to use. Mr. L started out using some of the brushes I had, but quickly got down and dirty by using his hands. By the end of it all, I was squeezing whichever paint color he wanted to use directly on the canvas and letting him rub it around the canvas with his hands.
At one point, I turned away for a second and Mr. L did this:
 |
| Apparently, I should have covered his head in newspaper too! |
I just realized that I don't have a picture of the finished product, but I'm sure you can use your imagination. The Hubs absolutely loved the gift and even took it to work with himself this morning to put up in his office (Score!). So if someone special in your life has a birthday or a celebration coming up, think of doing this simple craft! It's sure to be a hit!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The Guilt of Wanting Better
I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again; I had a great childhood. Both my Mom and my Dad did a great job with my Brother's and I and looking back on my younger days there is very little that I would change. However, now that I'm a Mother myself, there are things that I want differently for my child(ren) and I have a guilty conscience every time I make a step towards that "better life", do you?
As I'm sure you'll assume, the main focus on my BETTER life for Mr. L revolves around food and the choices I want to give him. I have a very limited food pallet, and at times it can be very embarrassing (Like when your fancy pants friends invite you to a fancy pants restaurant, and you stare at the menu in pure horror because not even the salads seem edible!). I don't know that my parents are to blame for my lack of food maturity, it's probably more my stubborn attitude (emphasis on attitude) and my inability to budge on the few meals that worked for me growing up (PB&J, Hawaiian pizza, cheeseburgers, chicken fingers and Mac N Cheese, etc). But I don't want that for Mr. L or whatever siblings may come along after. I want him to have eaten cauliflower before age 31 (Since his Mother can't say the same), I want him to indulge in a tuna fish sandwich (if that's possible) and I'd love for him to want to be excited about exploring the world so he could experience some new cultures and not stop his trip planning once he realizes what kind of food that country is known for (Done it). But more than that, I want him to be HEALTHY. I'm much more into organic food than my parents were, but I think that's my generation, it's kind of our "thing". Processed food kind of gives me the willies and I strongly believe that all of the preservatives that are found in the most common foods in the American diet are the main ingredient to our countries declining health. I grew up on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese; I literally had it every Sunday night for a good 10 years (Followed by a DQ Blizzard...ahhh tradition). But would I feed that to Mr. L today? Not a chance. There was a time when I made M&C from scratch, but that usually involved a LOT of effort on my part, and the older Mr. L gets the more I find peace in QUICK and EASY meals, so instead of Kraft, we now feed him Annie's Organic M&C. I grew up eating hot dogs on occasion (When I wouldn't let myself think about what they were made of). Would I feed the same ones I grew up on to Mr. L? Absolutely not. Instead, I feed him nitrate free dogs that are supposed to be healthier (But still made from the same unmentionable animal parts I'm sure). And when I was growing up, while eating out at McDonald's was at treat, we definitely went there more often than some families once our lives started getting busy (And the happy meal toys got cooler). But again I ask, would I take Mr. L there? Please lock me up in jail if I ever do. While I still go there in a desperate moment, I do not ever want Mr. L to eat there. The closest he's ever come to eating fast food is In N Out - I'll order him a grilled cheese sandwich and he, of course, snuck in a few fries here and there and is now obsessed with them every time I go there, oh well, you can't win them all right?
My parents did everything right; I was a healthy kid, and I'm a healthy adult. I have good family genes and a fast metabolism (It's definitely slowed since topping 30 and having 1 child) so I think I'm able to get away with a little more indulging than most. But Mr. L doesn't just have my genes to battle, The Hubs has a biological say in what his body is going to look like and how his arteries are going to behave over time. I have to keep that in mind. And while I don't have the biggest mental recipe book for what foods are good foods for a little tyke, I'm definitely trying; and if I can get Mr. L to just try 50% more foods than I ever have, he'll be in much better shape in my book. My Mom thinks my generation is too obsessed with food, and she may be right, but we're also producing a generation that is trailing behind one that may not outlive their parents due to a childhood obesity epidemic. So I think we're fair in being a tiny bit obsessed with healthy food.
So it's a tough place to be in; loving how you were raised, but wanting to do better for your own kids. I feel funny when we go to visit my Mom and she asks what foods to stock up on. I can't just say "Oh, the same old stuff" I have to specify what brands, what should be organic, what can slide etc. I'm sure I've gotten a few eye rolls over the past few months, but she always buys what I ask and never questions it. That's something I will do exactly as my parents did; I will love and support all of my children unconditionally in everything...unless they want to break the world record in eating the most McDonald's cheeseburgers in one sitting!
As I'm sure you'll assume, the main focus on my BETTER life for Mr. L revolves around food and the choices I want to give him. I have a very limited food pallet, and at times it can be very embarrassing (Like when your fancy pants friends invite you to a fancy pants restaurant, and you stare at the menu in pure horror because not even the salads seem edible!). I don't know that my parents are to blame for my lack of food maturity, it's probably more my stubborn attitude (emphasis on attitude) and my inability to budge on the few meals that worked for me growing up (PB&J, Hawaiian pizza, cheeseburgers, chicken fingers and Mac N Cheese, etc). But I don't want that for Mr. L or whatever siblings may come along after. I want him to have eaten cauliflower before age 31 (Since his Mother can't say the same), I want him to indulge in a tuna fish sandwich (if that's possible) and I'd love for him to want to be excited about exploring the world so he could experience some new cultures and not stop his trip planning once he realizes what kind of food that country is known for (Done it). But more than that, I want him to be HEALTHY. I'm much more into organic food than my parents were, but I think that's my generation, it's kind of our "thing". Processed food kind of gives me the willies and I strongly believe that all of the preservatives that are found in the most common foods in the American diet are the main ingredient to our countries declining health. I grew up on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese; I literally had it every Sunday night for a good 10 years (Followed by a DQ Blizzard...ahhh tradition). But would I feed that to Mr. L today? Not a chance. There was a time when I made M&C from scratch, but that usually involved a LOT of effort on my part, and the older Mr. L gets the more I find peace in QUICK and EASY meals, so instead of Kraft, we now feed him Annie's Organic M&C. I grew up eating hot dogs on occasion (When I wouldn't let myself think about what they were made of). Would I feed the same ones I grew up on to Mr. L? Absolutely not. Instead, I feed him nitrate free dogs that are supposed to be healthier (But still made from the same unmentionable animal parts I'm sure). And when I was growing up, while eating out at McDonald's was at treat, we definitely went there more often than some families once our lives started getting busy (And the happy meal toys got cooler). But again I ask, would I take Mr. L there? Please lock me up in jail if I ever do. While I still go there in a desperate moment, I do not ever want Mr. L to eat there. The closest he's ever come to eating fast food is In N Out - I'll order him a grilled cheese sandwich and he, of course, snuck in a few fries here and there and is now obsessed with them every time I go there, oh well, you can't win them all right?
My parents did everything right; I was a healthy kid, and I'm a healthy adult. I have good family genes and a fast metabolism (It's definitely slowed since topping 30 and having 1 child) so I think I'm able to get away with a little more indulging than most. But Mr. L doesn't just have my genes to battle, The Hubs has a biological say in what his body is going to look like and how his arteries are going to behave over time. I have to keep that in mind. And while I don't have the biggest mental recipe book for what foods are good foods for a little tyke, I'm definitely trying; and if I can get Mr. L to just try 50% more foods than I ever have, he'll be in much better shape in my book. My Mom thinks my generation is too obsessed with food, and she may be right, but we're also producing a generation that is trailing behind one that may not outlive their parents due to a childhood obesity epidemic. So I think we're fair in being a tiny bit obsessed with healthy food.
So it's a tough place to be in; loving how you were raised, but wanting to do better for your own kids. I feel funny when we go to visit my Mom and she asks what foods to stock up on. I can't just say "Oh, the same old stuff" I have to specify what brands, what should be organic, what can slide etc. I'm sure I've gotten a few eye rolls over the past few months, but she always buys what I ask and never questions it. That's something I will do exactly as my parents did; I will love and support all of my children unconditionally in everything...unless they want to break the world record in eating the most McDonald's cheeseburgers in one sitting!
Friday, April 6, 2012
FTWM turned SAHM turned PTWM turned FTB!
Do you need a decoder ring to decipher that title? Let me break it down for you:
Full Time Working Mom turned Stay At Home Mom turned Part Time Working Mom turned Full Time BLISS!
Wait...what? Part time working mom? When did that happen? Recently, very recently, as in TODAY!
I know, it's crazy and unexpected, especially since I just posted about being a SAHM and how I've never been happier doing this one and only job! However, when your dream job lands in your lap, you don't turn it down.
The details of the job are this, I'll be working as an assistant to the Special Events Coordinator and Catering Specialist at a nearby wedding venue. My primary duties will be giving prospective couples tours of the venue, writing event contracts, and helping my 2 bosses with any other projects that may arise (In my interview they actually said they may need me to go to Michael's every so often to buy items to help with some of the projects, are you kidding me? I'll be getting paid to go to Michael's? Yes please!). It's only two days a week (Fridays and Saturdays) and my hours are pretty standard; just 9am to 5pm. And when I say the job landed in my lap, I mean that quite honestly. The venue at which I'll be working is where The Hubs and I got married almost 3 years ago. As I was planning my wedding I realized that planning weddings was something I would much prefer to do with my time than working in construction. I had a great relationship with the Special Events Coordinator at the venue and upon returning from our honeymoon, I emailed her to tell her that if a position ever came up in their office to please think of me and give me a call. Well, I got that call 6 weeks after we moved up North, which is just odd because now we live 2.5 miles from the venue! When I first got the call I was told that they hadn't formally posted the job but that I was thought of first as someone who could fit in well with the rest of the team. I came in for an interview and left feeling as though I'd just landed my dream job and 2 weeks later I got the call that I did in fact get the job! I am beyond ecstatic!
I'm sure you're wondering, "what does this mean for Mr. L?", and I've got that all figured out. We weren't quite sure what to do with Mr. L - first of all, we'll only need child care for 1 day as The Hubs will watch him on Saturdays. I couldn't find a reputable daycare in our area that would only allow a 1 day drop off (but considering what the prices were for a 2 day session, I'm sure 1 day would be just as bad!). We didn't want to go with a nanny because we couldn't imagine finding someone that only needed to work 8 hours a day, plus, I wasn't sure for awhile if I got the job and when it would start and I knew if we were going the nanny route we'd feel rushed to find someone and that is not how I like to find child care. So, I went to the best place to get some help for a Mommy in need; my mom's group. I posted an ad saying I needed a Mother's Helper/Childcare for Friday's only and within a matter of hours a gal emailed me. She's a former preschool teacher turned SAHM who has a son a little older than Mr. L and a daughter who is 8 months old. She invited Mr. L and I over to test the waters and to see if the boys got along. We did our test run last week and it went amazingly well. And one hour after meeting with her, I got the call that I got the job and would start today! So we met earlier this week to do one more test run so I could put Mr. L down for a nap in her home and get him comfortable and then we'll do it all for real on Friday! The second test run went ok, I could tell that Mr. L felt unsure and anxious about napping in this new place. I know he'll get used to it eventually, but there may be an adjustment period for a few weeks.
From the tasks that I'll be doing, to the convenient schedule I feel like this job is going to be a perfect fit. I'm a little more apprehensive about leaving Mr. L than I thought I would be, but I think it's only because everything we're going to be doing is new. Its a new job (ad new line of work entirely!), in a new city with a new caretaker (And I already feel we were blessed when we found our nanny in LA, can this really happen twice?), but I know it is all for the good. I will get my independence back, and my mental stability back! I'll be at a point where I can miss Mr. L again and feel that JOLT of energy as I walk in the door on Fridays and Saturdays.
So here's to hoping that being a Part Time Working Mom who's working her dream job can make her just as happy as being a SAHM!
Full Time Working Mom turned Stay At Home Mom turned Part Time Working Mom turned Full Time BLISS!
Wait...what? Part time working mom? When did that happen? Recently, very recently, as in TODAY!
I know, it's crazy and unexpected, especially since I just posted about being a SAHM and how I've never been happier doing this one and only job! However, when your dream job lands in your lap, you don't turn it down.
The details of the job are this, I'll be working as an assistant to the Special Events Coordinator and Catering Specialist at a nearby wedding venue. My primary duties will be giving prospective couples tours of the venue, writing event contracts, and helping my 2 bosses with any other projects that may arise (In my interview they actually said they may need me to go to Michael's every so often to buy items to help with some of the projects, are you kidding me? I'll be getting paid to go to Michael's? Yes please!). It's only two days a week (Fridays and Saturdays) and my hours are pretty standard; just 9am to 5pm. And when I say the job landed in my lap, I mean that quite honestly. The venue at which I'll be working is where The Hubs and I got married almost 3 years ago. As I was planning my wedding I realized that planning weddings was something I would much prefer to do with my time than working in construction. I had a great relationship with the Special Events Coordinator at the venue and upon returning from our honeymoon, I emailed her to tell her that if a position ever came up in their office to please think of me and give me a call. Well, I got that call 6 weeks after we moved up North, which is just odd because now we live 2.5 miles from the venue! When I first got the call I was told that they hadn't formally posted the job but that I was thought of first as someone who could fit in well with the rest of the team. I came in for an interview and left feeling as though I'd just landed my dream job and 2 weeks later I got the call that I did in fact get the job! I am beyond ecstatic!
I'm sure you're wondering, "what does this mean for Mr. L?", and I've got that all figured out. We weren't quite sure what to do with Mr. L - first of all, we'll only need child care for 1 day as The Hubs will watch him on Saturdays. I couldn't find a reputable daycare in our area that would only allow a 1 day drop off (but considering what the prices were for a 2 day session, I'm sure 1 day would be just as bad!). We didn't want to go with a nanny because we couldn't imagine finding someone that only needed to work 8 hours a day, plus, I wasn't sure for awhile if I got the job and when it would start and I knew if we were going the nanny route we'd feel rushed to find someone and that is not how I like to find child care. So, I went to the best place to get some help for a Mommy in need; my mom's group. I posted an ad saying I needed a Mother's Helper/Childcare for Friday's only and within a matter of hours a gal emailed me. She's a former preschool teacher turned SAHM who has a son a little older than Mr. L and a daughter who is 8 months old. She invited Mr. L and I over to test the waters and to see if the boys got along. We did our test run last week and it went amazingly well. And one hour after meeting with her, I got the call that I got the job and would start today! So we met earlier this week to do one more test run so I could put Mr. L down for a nap in her home and get him comfortable and then we'll do it all for real on Friday! The second test run went ok, I could tell that Mr. L felt unsure and anxious about napping in this new place. I know he'll get used to it eventually, but there may be an adjustment period for a few weeks.
From the tasks that I'll be doing, to the convenient schedule I feel like this job is going to be a perfect fit. I'm a little more apprehensive about leaving Mr. L than I thought I would be, but I think it's only because everything we're going to be doing is new. Its a new job (ad new line of work entirely!), in a new city with a new caretaker (And I already feel we were blessed when we found our nanny in LA, can this really happen twice?), but I know it is all for the good. I will get my independence back, and my mental stability back! I'll be at a point where I can miss Mr. L again and feel that JOLT of energy as I walk in the door on Fridays and Saturdays.
So here's to hoping that being a Part Time Working Mom who's working her dream job can make her just as happy as being a SAHM!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
A Review of my Stay At Home Mom Status
It's been exactly 4 months since I turned in my hardhat and business cards for mom jeans and construction paper so I thought I should give my "review" of what being a stay at home Mom has been like.
First of all, I'm happier staying at home than I ever was trying to juggle being a mom and being an employee at the same time. When I was a working Mom, I never felt like I was good at anything I was trying to accomplish. I felt torn in so many different directions that nothing was getting my full effort or attention and that didn't sit well with me. So in that respect, being the main caretaker for my son has made me happier than I've been in a long time. I love that I'm able to be more aware of Mr. L's whereabouts. That is something I was starting to struggle with when we were in LA and I was working full time. I knew Mr. L was in great hands with our nanny and that I had nothing to worry about, but as a Mom, I was just feeling out of control. I wanted to be able to dictate what new words he was learning, who he was playing with, what new foods he was trying and when. Now, yes, being that I am his Mom, I had a say and a hand in all things Mr. L was involved in, but I couldn't be a hovering mother from a distance, I had to let go at some point and let our nanny take care of him and just trust that she would have his best interest in mind, which I knew she did. But the fact of the matter was, our nanny was with Mr. L from 7am until 6pm Monday through Thursday, throw in a date night over the weekend and it was very possible that our nanny was seeing my baby more than I was and that statistic did not sit well with me. The older he got, the harder it got to be away and my desire to stay at home with him became stronger. So in terms of happiness, being a stay at home mom has given me everything I was hoping it would.
On the other hand, I am EXHAUSTED. Plain and simple, that's the only word that I can use to describe myself at the end of each day. My goodness this is hard work! And it's constant! From sun up to sun down I am ON and I am numero uno - I'm the wrestling buddy, I'm the chef, I'm the taxi driver, I'm the tear wiper, I'm the disciplinarian, I'm the cattle wrangler, I'm the activity planner, I'm the creativity, I'm EVERYTHING. And when I say there is no break, I mean there is NO break. Not until he is asleep and dinner for the adults is done and the house is cleaned which often isn't until 8 or 9pm. When I was working outside of the home, I didn't feel this drag of exhaustion. I think that was true because for a couple of reasons; first, if I was overly tired from a short night caused by Mr. L, I could just zone out at work while pretending to be working hard (Sorry former employee) and second, when I came home from the day, no matter my emotional or physical state, just seeing Mr. L after a day without him gave me a jolt of energy that was enough to get me through the evening. But now, there is no JOLT, there is just cup after cup after cup of sweet sweet caffeine (Don't even get me started on what I'm going to do once we get pregnant again and I'm banned from caffeine!). I'm not going to lie, it's starting to get to me. The fact that I haven't gone to the bathroom without my little buddy during daylight hours in 4 months is insane. The fact that a 5 minute drive to the grocery store when The Hubs watches Logan on a Sunday morning brings me more joy than it should, is frightening.
My husband works a lot, he provides for his family VERY well and in order to maintain that, he works a LOT. I don't think I ever realized how much until I became a stay at home mom. It's rare during the week for me to have a relief partner, and that's not something I was really aware of when we made this family plan to have me stay home. I can deal with it, I can make it work, but I think in my mind I was expecting a bit more of a trade off during the week. Weekends are better, but weekdays/weeknights are getting difficult. But I just have to remind myself that The Hubs is doing his job so that I can do my job. And if that means I'm the dinner chef, the bather and the bedtime story reader 6 nights out of 7 then I need to be ok with that. As long as my partner can jump in when need him, which he does every single time, then we're good. It's been four months, and we're working out the kinks but all in all we're making this new plan work.
Now, in my first paragraph I mentioned how happy being a SAHM makes me, and that is absolutely 100% true. I'm not saying that because I think I have to say that, because I don't. I don't buy in to having to put on a happy face to tell everyone that Motherhood is wonderful all of the time, because the truth of the matter is that it's not. Yes, the overall good weighs out the horrible moments, but there are days (and weeks) when I'm just not loving it. Mr. L and I won't be on the same page about anything (Food, schedules, temperament) and when your sidekick isn't feeling you, it makes for a very long day. And when your sidekick is the only person you have around you all day, it makes for an even longer day. But all in all, I'm very happy with staying at home. I feel a renewed connection with Mr. L that we didn't really have before. I like that he needs me when he's hurt, I like that I know when he takes a nap, and what foods he's wanting to eat, and I like that I was able to get him to learn his colors and he can now recite them (most of the time). I feel like I've been working on an important project for the past four months, one that isn't going to end any time soon but I'm already seeing results and reward in my daily efforts. Yes, there are days when I don't shower, and the only adult interaction I have is seeing Gordon form Sesame Street (yes, Gordon, Maria, Bob and Susan are ALL still on Sesame Street!), but I'm ok with it. It's the stage of life that I'm at right now, and I feel blessed that I get to be involved this deeply in my sons life. I'm trying to cherish this time and embrace this new role I've been given the opportunity to play. I know that not everyone wants this role, and some of those who do want it aren't fortunate enough to get it, so I know that in this world today being given the opportunity to take time away from a major career and spend my time nurturing those who are most important to me is a gift and not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for this life that I'm able to live.
I'm tired yes. More tired than I've ever been. But I'm happy too. Definitely more happy than I've ever been.
First of all, I'm happier staying at home than I ever was trying to juggle being a mom and being an employee at the same time. When I was a working Mom, I never felt like I was good at anything I was trying to accomplish. I felt torn in so many different directions that nothing was getting my full effort or attention and that didn't sit well with me. So in that respect, being the main caretaker for my son has made me happier than I've been in a long time. I love that I'm able to be more aware of Mr. L's whereabouts. That is something I was starting to struggle with when we were in LA and I was working full time. I knew Mr. L was in great hands with our nanny and that I had nothing to worry about, but as a Mom, I was just feeling out of control. I wanted to be able to dictate what new words he was learning, who he was playing with, what new foods he was trying and when. Now, yes, being that I am his Mom, I had a say and a hand in all things Mr. L was involved in, but I couldn't be a hovering mother from a distance, I had to let go at some point and let our nanny take care of him and just trust that she would have his best interest in mind, which I knew she did. But the fact of the matter was, our nanny was with Mr. L from 7am until 6pm Monday through Thursday, throw in a date night over the weekend and it was very possible that our nanny was seeing my baby more than I was and that statistic did not sit well with me. The older he got, the harder it got to be away and my desire to stay at home with him became stronger. So in terms of happiness, being a stay at home mom has given me everything I was hoping it would.
On the other hand, I am EXHAUSTED. Plain and simple, that's the only word that I can use to describe myself at the end of each day. My goodness this is hard work! And it's constant! From sun up to sun down I am ON and I am numero uno - I'm the wrestling buddy, I'm the chef, I'm the taxi driver, I'm the tear wiper, I'm the disciplinarian, I'm the cattle wrangler, I'm the activity planner, I'm the creativity, I'm EVERYTHING. And when I say there is no break, I mean there is NO break. Not until he is asleep and dinner for the adults is done and the house is cleaned which often isn't until 8 or 9pm. When I was working outside of the home, I didn't feel this drag of exhaustion. I think that was true because for a couple of reasons; first, if I was overly tired from a short night caused by Mr. L, I could just zone out at work while pretending to be working hard (Sorry former employee) and second, when I came home from the day, no matter my emotional or physical state, just seeing Mr. L after a day without him gave me a jolt of energy that was enough to get me through the evening. But now, there is no JOLT, there is just cup after cup after cup of sweet sweet caffeine (Don't even get me started on what I'm going to do once we get pregnant again and I'm banned from caffeine!). I'm not going to lie, it's starting to get to me. The fact that I haven't gone to the bathroom without my little buddy during daylight hours in 4 months is insane. The fact that a 5 minute drive to the grocery store when The Hubs watches Logan on a Sunday morning brings me more joy than it should, is frightening.
My husband works a lot, he provides for his family VERY well and in order to maintain that, he works a LOT. I don't think I ever realized how much until I became a stay at home mom. It's rare during the week for me to have a relief partner, and that's not something I was really aware of when we made this family plan to have me stay home. I can deal with it, I can make it work, but I think in my mind I was expecting a bit more of a trade off during the week. Weekends are better, but weekdays/weeknights are getting difficult. But I just have to remind myself that The Hubs is doing his job so that I can do my job. And if that means I'm the dinner chef, the bather and the bedtime story reader 6 nights out of 7 then I need to be ok with that. As long as my partner can jump in when need him, which he does every single time, then we're good. It's been four months, and we're working out the kinks but all in all we're making this new plan work.
Now, in my first paragraph I mentioned how happy being a SAHM makes me, and that is absolutely 100% true. I'm not saying that because I think I have to say that, because I don't. I don't buy in to having to put on a happy face to tell everyone that Motherhood is wonderful all of the time, because the truth of the matter is that it's not. Yes, the overall good weighs out the horrible moments, but there are days (and weeks) when I'm just not loving it. Mr. L and I won't be on the same page about anything (Food, schedules, temperament) and when your sidekick isn't feeling you, it makes for a very long day. And when your sidekick is the only person you have around you all day, it makes for an even longer day. But all in all, I'm very happy with staying at home. I feel a renewed connection with Mr. L that we didn't really have before. I like that he needs me when he's hurt, I like that I know when he takes a nap, and what foods he's wanting to eat, and I like that I was able to get him to learn his colors and he can now recite them (most of the time). I feel like I've been working on an important project for the past four months, one that isn't going to end any time soon but I'm already seeing results and reward in my daily efforts. Yes, there are days when I don't shower, and the only adult interaction I have is seeing Gordon form Sesame Street (yes, Gordon, Maria, Bob and Susan are ALL still on Sesame Street!), but I'm ok with it. It's the stage of life that I'm at right now, and I feel blessed that I get to be involved this deeply in my sons life. I'm trying to cherish this time and embrace this new role I've been given the opportunity to play. I know that not everyone wants this role, and some of those who do want it aren't fortunate enough to get it, so I know that in this world today being given the opportunity to take time away from a major career and spend my time nurturing those who are most important to me is a gift and not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for this life that I'm able to live.
I'm tired yes. More tired than I've ever been. But I'm happy too. Definitely more happy than I've ever been.
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Witching Hour - Brace Yourself
If your child is no longer a baby, you remember the witching hour. If you recently had a child, you'll soon be introduced to it and you won't soon forget it. The witching hour is that time every day around 5pm or 6pm when your newborn baby starts crying for what seems like no reason. Nothing calms them. Nothing soothes them. And you, as the Mom, are so done with being ON for the day you are at your whits end with all of the screaming. It happens right around the time your husband walks in the door from a long day at work and all he wants is to kiss his wife and cuddle with his newborn baby; but that's not what happens. Instead, he opens the door and is smacked in the face with a stressed out wife and a screaming child; relaxing right?
In our house, this time was known as the Bitching hour and here's how our nightly discussion would go:
The Hubs: What's wrong with him?
Stressed out wife: I don't know (read: if I knew that, don't you think I would have stopped him from crying by now?!?!?)
The Hubs: I think he's hungry...
Stressed out wife: he's not hungry, I just fed him
The Hubs: I think he's hungry...
Stressed out wife: Trust me, that's not it...I've tried everything else and nothing is working
The Hubs: Well, what else could it be? I think he's hungry...
We would eventually get to the point where I would give Mr. L a bottle just to prove The Hubs wrong, and each night Mr. L would suck that bottle down as if his life depended on it. I would be beyond annoyed that even though I had just fed Mr. L moments before The Hubs walked in the door, he was apparently hungry again and I felt like I knew nothing about my own child's schedule. I have no idea why those four little words (I-think-he's-hungry) drove me so insane, but they did. To this day, I can hear The Hubs saying them and it gets my blood rising. I think its because I felt like the feeding, since I was exclusively breastfeeding at this point, was 100% my deal. If the reason for my babies cries was that he was hungry and I was denying him that satisfaction then I felt I was failing as a Mother. Not a good feeling. Add to that it was something that only I could do, meaning The Hubs couldn't offer me a break in this situation which is what I so desperately needed at that hour, it just set me off.
As it turns out, the reason for Mr. L's cries was not lack of food. And it wasn't even a dirty diaper or gas. It was, as it is for many new babies, a case of the witching hour. A time comes each day when for somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes the baby is in an in between state of sleep and awake. They aren't tired enough to go to sleep, and yet they are too tired to feel settled. The Witching Hour can cause a lot of stress for new moms and new parents together because there is nothing you can do! The good thing about The Witching Hour is that it doesn't last long; just about an hour, and it only goes on for a matter of weeks.
It's a tough time for everyone, and like all things that come with the first few stages of parenthood - this stage will pass and it will get better. Just do better than I did and listen to your husband's suggestions, and if his suggestions are driving you up the wall, tell him so and let him take a hand in helping out in a more direct way. Motherhood is hard enough on a good day, don't make it harder on yourself by putting all of the hard work and burden on your shoulders when you have a willing partner to help in times of need.
Someone please remind me to read that last paragraph when we have our second child!
In our house, this time was known as the Bitching hour and here's how our nightly discussion would go:
The Hubs: What's wrong with him?
Stressed out wife: I don't know (read: if I knew that, don't you think I would have stopped him from crying by now?!?!?)
The Hubs: I think he's hungry...
Stressed out wife: he's not hungry, I just fed him
The Hubs: I think he's hungry...
Stressed out wife: Trust me, that's not it...I've tried everything else and nothing is working
The Hubs: Well, what else could it be? I think he's hungry...
We would eventually get to the point where I would give Mr. L a bottle just to prove The Hubs wrong, and each night Mr. L would suck that bottle down as if his life depended on it. I would be beyond annoyed that even though I had just fed Mr. L moments before The Hubs walked in the door, he was apparently hungry again and I felt like I knew nothing about my own child's schedule. I have no idea why those four little words (I-think-he's-hungry) drove me so insane, but they did. To this day, I can hear The Hubs saying them and it gets my blood rising. I think its because I felt like the feeding, since I was exclusively breastfeeding at this point, was 100% my deal. If the reason for my babies cries was that he was hungry and I was denying him that satisfaction then I felt I was failing as a Mother. Not a good feeling. Add to that it was something that only I could do, meaning The Hubs couldn't offer me a break in this situation which is what I so desperately needed at that hour, it just set me off.
As it turns out, the reason for Mr. L's cries was not lack of food. And it wasn't even a dirty diaper or gas. It was, as it is for many new babies, a case of the witching hour. A time comes each day when for somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes the baby is in an in between state of sleep and awake. They aren't tired enough to go to sleep, and yet they are too tired to feel settled. The Witching Hour can cause a lot of stress for new moms and new parents together because there is nothing you can do! The good thing about The Witching Hour is that it doesn't last long; just about an hour, and it only goes on for a matter of weeks.
It's a tough time for everyone, and like all things that come with the first few stages of parenthood - this stage will pass and it will get better. Just do better than I did and listen to your husband's suggestions, and if his suggestions are driving you up the wall, tell him so and let him take a hand in helping out in a more direct way. Motherhood is hard enough on a good day, don't make it harder on yourself by putting all of the hard work and burden on your shoulders when you have a willing partner to help in times of need.
Someone please remind me to read that last paragraph when we have our second child!
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