New Mommy Mission - Leave The House!

When I was at home on maternity leave I thought I was doing alright. The days swirled together and what was actually 2am felt like Noon, I was busy nursing, sleeping, playing, more sleeping and a lot more nursing. It was what the early stages of motherhood are. There were afternoons that I ventured outside with my crying bundle of joy, but more often than not there were afternoons where I attempted to venture outside with my screaming, crying, never satisfied bundle of JOY(?). I'd had one too many bad experiences outside with Mr. L and was a bit traumatized about leaving the house. And looking back now, my bad experiences were not bad at all - they were times when in public places Mr. L had started screaming and not wanting to disrupt the non-child-having public that surrounded me I would scurry out of whatever store, mall or grocery store I was in and head home in despair.
The Hubs would often come home and ask me how my day had been and what I done done. Feeling ashamed that once again my days were spent indoors, I would try to make things sounds much more exciting than they actually were ("Well, first we played with the play gym over by the plant for about 20 minutes, and then things got crazy and I moved the play gym next to the sliding glass door..."). It was at this point that The Hubs was starting to get concerned; what was happening to his wife? Why wasn't she leaving the house anymore? He could tell it was getting to me. So one afternoon he sat me down, looked me straight in the eyes and said "Ash, you have got to get the hell out of this house...every day...every single day...even if it's for 5 minutes...just get out of the house...you're driving yourself crazy, you're driving me crazy and I'm pretty sure you're driving L crazy too." I don't remember my exact reaction to this intervention, but I'm sure there were tears involved, a bit of rage and then complete and utter surrender to The Hubs because he was right. I realized that the more I kept Mr. L from being out in the world and dealing with new scenes, scents and smells in public the harder of a time he was going to have getting used to everything that was out there! So the next day I made a decision; I would try to get out of the house every single day -whether it was a walk around the block or a big adventure to the grocery store, I was going to get out of the house, breathe some fresh air and show my baby off to the world.

I've talked to other friends of mine after they've become new moms and they all do the same thing that I did; they start out ready to conquer the world and then for one reason or another they lose their confidence and just stay indoors. I remember at the early stages it seems impossible to leave the house with all of the feeding that's going on - by the time you clean yourself up after the first feeding, and get your baby ready and in the car, it's time to feed again! It's a nauseating cycle at the very beginning! But you can do it, and in fact, you have to do it. Does your child hate being in his car seat? The only way they're going to get used to it is if they keep sitting in it. Does your child scream bloody murder while in any public place? It's a baby, that's what babies do; you're not offending as many people as you think you are when they cry so just let the baby cry. Does your child need to eat all the time, especially right when you're ready to leave the house, or right when you've pulled into the perfect parking spot? Well, boobs and bottles are amazingly portable! It took me awhile to get comfortable breastfeeding in public, but eventually I realized that feeding my baby in a convenient location was more important than my modesty. Granted, I never whipped it out on the sidewalk or in front of the Frozen Yogurt stand in the mall; I would either go in my car or use the ladies lounge in Nordstrom (I never understood why the women had SUCH an amazing restroom with couches in Nordy's until becoming a mother), but eventually I got to the point where nursing Mr. L when I was out was just part of our schedule.

The bottom line is this; you are doing yourself a disservice if you are staying indoors all the time. And by doing yourself an disservice, you are automatically doing your child a disservice. Try to remember the things you loved doing before you became a mother; think of the things that make you who you are and get back to doing those! Sure, if you were a hot yoga enthusiast, it's probably frowned upon to make your child sit in a sauna for 60 minutes while you Namaste to your hearts content, but instead of doing a yoga class, take a walk to a park and do some stretches on a blanket with your little one. You'll be amazed at how calming and distracting the outside world can be for a baby. It will give you a clear head, peace of mind and a better attitude about all of the changes going on in your world.

So get off the computer! Quit reading this blog (For now) and GO OUTSIDE!!

Where's your focus?

"Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention" 

- Jim Rohn

I like this quote...and I like it even more because I've been meaning to write a post about the topic of ATTENTION and more importantly, PAYING IT, for some time and this quote speaks to my exact point! I'm not writing this to judge other Mom's out there, or to put myself on a pedestal to leave the impression that I am constantly paying attention to Mr. L because that's just not possible. But there are certain times and places that I  choose to have him in my sight and on my mind more than other times. 

Like at the trampoline park when there are "big" kids (age 4) and little ones Mr. L's size...I try to keep him within an arms reach to keep him from banging in to the big kids as they run around wildly as they should. But when the big kids (again, age FOUR!) start getting into a shoving match and because of said shoving topple on top of my little Mr. L and there are no Mom's in sight to stop this ridiculous behavior, I have to ask - Who's paying attention?

Or, like at the play center in the mall (you know, the brightly colored structures that are covered in microscopic germs? Eeeew), when big kids and little kids are running amongst each other and the big kids are jumping off of the play structure and landing next to or on top of said little kids, I have to ask again - Who's paying attention?

Moms, I understand that we all need a break and that we need to leave the house every once in awhile...but if you're trying to accomplish both of those tasks WHILE having your kids in tow, you need to pay attention to what they're doing! Bringing your children to a public place does not mean the public is your babysitter! Its quickly becoming one of my biggest pet peeves to see parents walk into a play area where there are other kids around, tell their children to have fun and then bury their heads in their crackberry texting or Facebooking away as their child does God knows what . Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm perfect - I do something wrong every single day (or at least it feels that way), and sure I've texted or checked Facebook while out with Mr. L but I try to limit the time when my attention isn't focused on him to times when his presence isn't effecting others.  

Just think about it - think of where you are, who you're around and focus on the things that matter; your little one and those around you!

...stepping off soapbox now... 

You Know Your Baby's Tired When...

...You put him in his crib for a minute long "Time Out" and he falls asleep!

Mr. L was has been in rare form all morning - extra winy, throwing tantrums like it's nobodies business - all VERY unlike my lovable, well behaved Mr. L! Despite my bragging post from yesterday where I raved about him sleeping later, Mr. L has woken up at 6:20 both this morning and yesterday morning; that early wake up paired with his later bedtime was making me wonder if he was going to be tired at some point...looks like we reached that point today!

As we were sitting in the kitchen playing, Mr. L picked up a spoon and chucked it directly at my head; we've been trying to work on NOT throwing for awhile, and I pretty much have a zero tolerance policy about it - if you throw something, that object is taken away and if you throw again, off to time out you go! He cried as I placed him in his crib and I stood outside his room counting out 2 minutes (to myself). By the time I got past 1 minute the crying had stopped and all noise had ceased...huh? I grabbed the baby monitor and sure enough, I could see Mr. L getting situated, stomach down in his crib all ready for a nap; what's a mother to do? Yes, this is going to royally screw up our schedule for the day, but c'est la vie! My baby was tired so have at it boy, rest up and I hope you are more cheery whenever you wake up!

...only problem...our cat Earl is in the room with him....this could turn into an adorable photo op or a disaster. I'll keep you posted!

Daylight Savings Aftermath: Later schedules and blackout curtains

So Daylight savings has come and gone and I am loving the fact that it stays lighter later! Growing up in Seattle I remember summer nights when the sun didn't go down until 8pm or later! It doesn't stay light quite that late up in the bay area, but I'll take what I can get! The one thing that has thrown me for a loop this year that I don't remember happening last year is that I feel really weird (AKA horrible) about putting Mr. L to bed when there is still so much daylight to be played in! Because of this, we've gradually started putting Mr. L down to bed a bit later. Normally, I would start dinner at 5:30 or 6, have him in bath by 6:30 and lights out by 7pm on the dot...but tonight, it's 7:56 and I just sat down at my computer, meaning he just went down about 3 seconds ago (Not that I run to the couch when my day is "done" or anything...ok, maybe I do). He's been sleeping a little bit later most mornings with this new adjustment and this morning he woke up at 7am - which is a vast improvement from his normal 6am wake up call we'd been getting lately(Although I enjoy the later morning, I think it's still just painful to be woken up by something OTHER than your internal alarm clock!). Aside from putting him down a bit later, I think one thing that's helped keep him in his bed longer each morning is one simple design feature I just added to his room; blackout curtains! And I must emphasize that I put them up because I installed the curtain rod and curtains using a power tool and a level all by my lonesome! I was/am so proud of myself! Even though I spent seven years in the construction industry, writing contracts and figuring out change orders doesn't usually allow for time out in the field hammering and building, so while I'm sure it wasn't my most gracious moment, the curtain rod has been up for more than a week so I think we're out of the danger zone of having it fall down on anyone! The curtains are a nice navy blue color which goes with the nautical, beach, lobster theme we have going in the room. They have large silver grommets at the top which the rod is fed through, and for only being $12.96 per panel (I got 2), I think it's a great deal! I got these ones at Walmart, but Target sells them as well. The backside is covered in a white plastic, which some of the online reviews have poo-poo'd, but I think those people need to understand something - these are blackout curtains- that white plastic is what blacks out all external light! Anyway, I think having almost all of the light from Mr. L's room eliminated is helping him sleep in later and I'm kicking myself for not doing this before! For the last few weeks we've had a flannel sheet up trying to block some light (in addition to the wooden blinds he has on the windows), and The Hubs has been begging me to get rid of it. I think everyone in the family is happy with the curtains, but most of all Mommy! I'll post pictures of the finished room soon, but I'm waiting for the height chart we ordered on Etsy to come in! Should be here in a few days!!

Peaks + Valleys = Motherhood

It's been an interesting 11 days to say the least.

Two Fridays ago, Mr. L came down with a cold. It started with a runny nose, and quickly morphed into a cough, congestion and a cranky/sluggish little boy. This was probably Mr. L's first major cold since graduating from infancy (The perk of not having your child in Daycare I guess!). When he's had colds in the past, it wasn't too tough to deal with because we didn't really do much as it was. I could still take him with me everywhere (the store, walks in the stroller etc), but this time it was different. I felt like we couldn't do ANYTHING with him being sick. I didn't want to take him to the park because I didn't want him to infect other children that may be playing (And around us there are ALWAYS other children playing). I didn't want to take him on any play-dates, again because I didn't want him to infect anyone. We ran a few errands here and there, but I didn't want to do too much or keep him away from home for too long because I wanted him to get as much rest as possible so he could get well. By not leaving the house for a few days in a row, we both inherited a major case of cabin fever. Add to that a toddler who is a bit cranky because he's sick and you have a very impatient mommy on your hands - and who wants that? On top of ALL of that, The Hubs was also out of town, leaving this Mommy without her partner in crime and without her sidekick to give support when it's needed most. It-has-been-rough.

But then, some things happened!
1. Mr. L got better! He woke up yesterday doing GREAT! His nose stopped running, his cough was barely noticeable and he was ENJOYABLE again! He's still a toddler, mind you, so he definitely had his moments but it was nothing compared to his attitude from the week before.
2. The Hubs came home! And what a great hubby he is! I had been texting him all weekend, and on Saturday I was telling him how close to the edge I was and how I desperately needed him home and for him to help me. He came to the rescue and told me he would take over as soon as he came home, and that's exactly what he did. He helped me feed Mr. L at dinner, then he went upstairs and did bath time AND bedtime all while I got comfy on the couch and watched some TV all by myself. I could almost see the stress leaving my body...
The third thing that happened happened this morning, when I heard Mr. L waking up at the fabulous time of 8am! I know, I know, it's daylight savings time so he's just adjusting - I get it, but our little man went to bed at 7pm so no matter what way you slice it, that's 13 hours of sleep! And furthermore, if he's not fully adjusted to the new time, it means he thinks he woke up at 7am - STILL a huge victory in our house! And let me tell you, nothing does a Mommy-Good more than a full nights sleep which was preceeded by some much needed HELP on the homefront.

So whats my point to all of this? That motherhood consists of peaks and valleys - every year, every month, every day and honestly, every hour. There are dark times and there are amazing times full of light and laughter. Its those peaks that you remember. It's the peaks you hold on to. And it's the peaks that get you on to the next challenge, the next stage and the next set of valleys. No matter if you are a new mom experiencing sleepless nights or a veteran mom who is finding her way through the terrible two's (or three's and four's!) - you've had your darkest moments and your brightest days in this role known as Motherhood. Just hang in there, take a deep breath and you'll find your next peak just around the corner.

Weelicious.com is Irr-WEE-sistable!

If you've been reading this blog you may get the sense that I tend to stress over what to feed my toddler. If you do get that sense, then you are correct. My Mom tells me I'm crazy and that my generation is too concerned with food (Hello! Obesity epidemic, anyone?!). I have nightmares sometimes that there is something in the air today that is causing people (mainly children) to be obese and that no matter how healthy the food is that I feed my children, they are still going to become obese because they breathe air - crazy? Crazy. Anyway, the main reason for my concern is that I don't think I eat healthy; I eat like a child, which is something I desperately want to improve on (easier said than done considering I totally had my son's leftover Mac N Cheese for dinner tonight and may have just downed a handful of chocolate chips as a snack...sigh...). I've always been a picky eater and therefore I have a very limited idea of what foods are actually good and/or healthy choices for my child! Let me break it down to you like this, there are a number of foods I have never even consumed for one stupid reason or another:

• Tuna - I don't like the smell of it, therefore I've never eaten it.
• Cauliflower - I can't help but think of the common wrestling injury "Cauliflower Ear" whenever I see this vegetable and immediately lose my appetite.
• Snap Peas - no reason, just never thought to try them
• Mushrooms - I'll eat them if they are disguised, but I will not eat them if they are openly displayed on my plate - why? Because they are a fungus and as a rule, I do not eat fungi. Gross.
• Cottage Cheese - it's lumpy cheese which reminds me of old milk and I can't handle it

...this list could go on and on and on and on (just ask my college roommates who had to witness years of me eating nothing but Ritz Crackers and PB&J sandwiches...sorry girls!) .

But enough about me, having such a limited pallet is seriously hindering my ability to come up with creative and healthy food to feed my son! I think we've just about run our course with scrambled eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches, hot dogs, macaroni and cheese etc - I need some new ideas!!

I'm constantly searching online for new recipes and last night I stumbled upon the motherland of all food websites. It's called Weelicious and it is seriously my new obsession. Tonight alone I've spent at least 2 hours perusing Catherine's recipes getting more and more excited as the page scrolls! The recipes are simple enough for me to enjoy but also sophisticated enough that my husband will enjoy these meals and creatively healthy enough that Mr. L will be getting the nutrition he needs in each of his meals! The website has hundreds, if not thousands, of recipes categorized in every different category you can imagine (breakfast, dips, crock-pot, freezer ready etc just to name a few). I think my favorite feature of the website, however, are the videos! For a novice cook like myself it's very helpful to see someone who is handy in the kitchen show me step by step how to make a recipe come to life. But what I really love about the videos is that a lot of the time, she has her son in the video with her! And he's not just there for eye candy, he's there "helping" his Mommy cook the food - and at times, it's insane aka REAL, and I love it! It shows me that other Mom's can be frazzled in the kitchen, and yet that shouldn't deter me from making a substantial meal for my family!

Please check this website out, and pick out a recipe or two to try this week! Mr. L and I have a few we'll be experimenting with today already and I cannot wait!

It's That Time Again: Daylight Savings...oh boy!

 This Sunday marks that time of the year that non-parents look forward to and parents dread...Daylight Savings Time (DST). This coming Sunday the majority of the country will "spring forward" which means everyone loses 1 hour of sleep. Ok, so maybe non-parents don't look forward to DST this time! Nonetheless, DST is a time that regardless if you're springing forward or falling back, if you are the parent of a young child, it means one thing; your schedule is about to get messed up! In doing my own research for how to deal with this coming Sunday, I stumbled upon the following website which provides 3 different options for adjusting to the time change! I hope you'll check this site out and find a solution that works for you and your little ones!

Click here for DST tips! 
Spring Forward Sleep Survival with Kids

Sippin' On Milk and Water...

The great Sippy Cup debate has finally come to an end in my home! We've done it, we've found THE PERFECT SIPPY CUP. This is major cause for celebration, people! I have struggled since Mr. L was about 6 months old and started using a sipping cup in conjunction with a bottle with trying to find a sippy cup that actually doesn't spill (despite what every label says, I think all sippy cups spill). At first, we loved the Avent Magic Trainer with Handle cups. They were the perfect size for Mr. L's mini hands, they never spilled, and they worked like "magic". But then something happened. It was as if the universe hiccuped and in one day all of my Avent cups started spilling. I have no idea what happened, but after that day I loathed those sippy cups and their lack of magic. Once that happened, I was scrambling to find something that would work better. By this time, Mr. L was done using a bottle during the day and I needed something that would hold more than 4oz of liquid. At one point, I spent way too much money and purchased the Kid Basix Safe Sippy 2 (Aka "The Rocket"). I have no idea why I thought spending $14 on 1 sippy cup was a good idea - I think the cool colors, stainless steel and the fact that it could easily convert from a sippy to a straw cup sucked me right in. The cup works well enough, but it does leak, and since washing it a few times, the stainless steel has dented and it just looks a bit shabby. The next round of the hunt took me to the last place I ever thought I'd be, in a drugstore picking out a $2 sippy cup with Mr. L's name imprinted on it; what can I say, I was desperate! But much to my shock and awe, it worked! It was the best sippy cup for about 2 weeks. Then, just like the rest of them, it started leaking. I was beginning to think that all the children of this country must be severely dehydrated because if I couldn't find a decent sippy cup, who else could?!
The answer to that question lies in 3 perfect letters: B-F-F. That's right, my BFF found the most perfect sippy cup and I am so grateful that she and her little man B introduced them to Mr. L and me on our trip to Seattle. They are easy to clean, insulated so drinks stay cold (and fresh) longer, they hold 9oz (Unheard of with the other cups I'd tried) and they seem pretty indestructible! What are they you ask? The Playtex Insulated Spout cup. 

You can find them at any grocery store,at Target and online.They run about $6 for one, or you can usually find a better deal of two which runs about $8 or $10. That may sound expensive, compared to my $2 discovery at the drug store, but trust me, it's well worth the cost. We started out with 1 cup, but I quickly realized these were "The Ones" and I rushed back to the store for 2 more, and just yesterday I picked up another pair; I'm obsessed with them! Mr. L loves them, he can easily carry them around, they are dishwasher safe (A HUGE plus) and very easy to use for little mouths transitioning from a bottle.

I am so happy to say that my hunt for the perfect sippy is finally over! I hope you'll enjoy these cups as much as Mr. L (and I) do!

Finding Peace in Finding a Nanny

In recent weeks, I've received a few emails from readers asking for advice on certain parenting topics but one questions has come up more than once so I thought I'd post the latest letter here and answer it for everyone to read!

Dear Mommy Stop,

I've recently started going back to work and have hired a nanny to watch my child while I'm away. While I know that the nanny is taking great care of my child and my son adores her, I'm having a hard time feeling comfortable with someone that isn't family help raise our child.
How can I move past this stage and be comfortable with our nanny?

Sincerely,
 Nauseous over Nanny

There's no doubt that trusting your child in the hands of someone else, especially a person who is somewhat of a stranger at first is very difficult. While we had the most amazing nanny when I was working, I still struggled with the fact that someone else was taking care of my child and that I had little control over what they did each day and where they went. That's not to say I couldn't forbid her from taking Mr. L to certain places (which I did on occasion), and there were rules about what food he was allowed to eat etc. Our nanny definitely took direction from me and always let me lead the way in Mr. L's schedule, what activities they should be working on etc, but I still knew that there would be days or moments when I didn't have a clue what my son was doing, who he was playing with or what he was up to. That realization was very hard for me, but what could I do?

To put it bluntly, I had to let go (easier said than done for a control freak like me!). For me, I almost had to pretend that I was someone else. I had to pretend that I wasn't a control-freak-mama bear who would prefer to have her child sitting at her desk for 8 hours a day while I worked than have a stranger raise him. Nope, that wasn't me at all. When I was sent pictures each day of my son on a different play date at a random park, with kids I didn't know and an ocean in the background, I couldn't care less...ok, that's a lie - sometimes I had to reign the nanny back in tell her I wasn't comfortable with something.

I think the key to embracing life with a nanny is to create enough boundaries so that you, the Mom feels comfortable, but with enough freedom so that your nanny can interact with your child in a genuine and loving manner. After a few incidents between the nanny and myself where I felt too uncomfortable with how far away she was taking Mr. L for play dates and lunch outings each day without my knowledge, I had to lay down some ground rules. While our nanny was great about calling or texting if she could take Mr. L to certain places, there were times when she'd go on a day trip to Malibu and not tell me (All I would receive is a photo of Mr. L sitting on the beach with the choppy, scary and unprotected OCEAN behind him!), which didn't sit well with me. So I simply asked that our nanny tell me their plan for the day each morning when she came over. She knew that I had the right to tell her I wasn't comfortable with certain situations and she was fine with changing the plan for the day if I requested it. By doing this, I wasn't forcing the nanny to sit at home each day with Mr. L as I wanted her to be able to take him places, to let him experience our city and to meet new friends, but I needed to make it clear at the same time that I'm his Mother and I have the final say in what experiences my child will have, especially when I'm not there with him.

Miss L & Mr L enjoying a Bay Area snuggle

I think another thing to pay attention to is what you're feeling and why. Are you feeling nervous about this nanny because of something your struggling with outside of the actual nanny, or are you feeling nervous about this nanny because your gut is telling you something isn't right? I think it's very easy to ignore your gut if your child seems happy with your nanny, but I don't recommend ever ignoring Mother's Intuition. If you have a feeling deep down that you don't trust your nanny, for whatever reason (even if there is no reason at all) then you need to listen to that and do something about it. When we interviewed for a nanny, we saw several prospects and all of them were great, but when our nanny walked in, both The Hubs and I knew she was "the one". It sounds cheesy, but it's true. We had a list of questions we asked each nanny and each one gave us generally the same answers, but there was just something about Miss L that we both felt right about. Mother's intuition can go both ways - it can tell you something is good and it can tell you something is bad. The fact that I had such a good feeling about Miss L from the get go made our relationship go very smoothly. I knew that on the occasions when I was having a tough time letting go,  it was more on me than anything and that Miss L had Mr. L's best interests in mind. 

I think those are the best tips I can give on how to be Ok with having a nanny take care of your most prized possession; try to let go, listen to your gut, and choose a nanny that you feel comfortable with from the very beginning.

If you have any questions that you'd like to see answered on The Mommy Stop, just send me an email to the address listed under the Contact Me tab! I hope to hear from you soon!