Now that I've been doing this whole mom thing for a solid (almost) 22 months, I feel like I've finally come to terms and said goodbye to what my life used to be. You know, the life when you had the luxury of making plans days or weeks in advance and actually keeping those plans? The days when the only party you needed to be concerned with was yourself, or on a rather generous day your significant other as well. But those days are no more. There are moments when I forget what life I'm living now and I make plans with my non-mommy friends to meet up in 1 week, only to wake up that morning with a kid who's nose is running. I call said non-mommy friend and I reschedule for the next week (Clearly not learning my lesson) only to wake up on the rescheduled day to a child (and a mother) who didn't sleep a wink the night before thanks to a new tooth coming in. Again, I had to cancel because there was no way we were doing anything that day that required me to shower or to get in anything other than my PJ's. I hate doing this and I hate hearing my non-mommy friends pretend to be understanding when I'm sure in their minds they saying "Really? She's cancelling again? Are we even really friends anymore?" But we are, and I'm doing the best that I can, but I'm a Mom and I no longer live in your world of "Do what I want when I want' I am now a permanent resident of "Last Minute World".
Last Minute World is a land that you enter the minute you have your first child. Where the days of planning in advance are thrown out the door with last weeks dirty diapers. You find comfort in your other mommy friends who you can text to make play date plans 20 minutes before you want to meet up and it's not a problem. You search out doctors offices who understand when you have to cancel your appointment for that day "because I have a 2 year old" and no other explanation is needed. Living in this world while still communicating with outsiders can cause a lot of problems though. It feels like once a week I'll accidentally slip into the regular world and will text my Mother-In-Law "Hey, Mr. L and I are at Costco, would you be up for a quick visit in 10 minutes?" Just as I hit send on that text, I remember that I'm NOT texting my friend Angie who has 3 kids under 4 and would completely understand my out of the blue request to meet up. No, I'm actually texting my 50 year old mother in law who, like most everyone else in the world, needs a bit more notice than 10 minutes to prepare for a visit in her own home. I feel horrible whenever I do this because then I'm putting it on her to "cancel" when really it's me who has stepped out of line expecting my impromptu request for a date to be accepted.
So if you happen to be "an outsider" who is friends with a lot of mom's and you get frustrated when they cancel on you, or annoyed when they only seem to have time to see or talk to you in 5 minute increments, or they make plans without warning; go easy on them. Find joy in the mere fact that they're thinking of you; they've just forgotten what world you both live in. And when you find yourself in "our" world, we'll welcome you with open arms and will accept all of the play dates you ask us out on even if you can only meet for 20 minutes, at the park closer to you in 5 minutes and when you warn us that you haven't showered yet that day and aren't sure if you brushed your teeth or not; we'll just laugh because more than likely we're in the exact same boat.