However, last night right after midnight, Mr. L woke up in a screaming fit (it was as if he waited for Valentine's Day to be officially over so he could regain my attention). It took about two hours to get him calmed down enough to go to sleep. In case you missed that, he didn't go back to bed until 2am. And just to further clarify this situation, you must know that when he woke up at midnight, I hadn't been to bed yet so I was up last night until 2am...lovely. After finally getting Mr. L back to sleep, as I shuffled my tired eyes to my bedroom I was praying with all that I had that Mr. L would sleep in past his usual 6am wake up call.
No. Such. Luck. 5:45am came quicker than usual as I heard the faint calling for "Mama...Mama? Mama!!". Oh boy...here we go.
I continued through our morning routine still thinking that we would make it to the Mom's group meeting, and yet as I stood in the shower in a complete over tired haze, looking down at Mr. L staring at me, also in an overtired haze, from the bathtub (empty, of course) I knew we had to cancel our plans. Mr. L had had an off week as it was; he's gotten up so early each day, only taken one nap and by 5pm each evening he's so tired he lays down on the floor whispering "night, night". Break my heart.
Even though I knew deep down, we could not make the morning plans that I was so looking forward to, the "Do-er" in me still wanted to go. I was feeling sad that I wouldn't be able to see my new friends, I was a little angry that our night had gone as it had and I was so tired because of it, I was feeling guilty for thinking we couldn't go because it meant more time in the house for Mr. L and I (and I've been feeling like we've had WAY too much of that lately), and then I was feeling guilty for feeling angry that I was tired. Ayyy yiii yiii!
For as long as I can remember, I've been a do-er. I like to be involved with things, I like to see my friends, I like to DO things and when something tries to stand in my way and prevent me from doing, I usually just go right through it and get on with my originally intended agenda. But once you have that baby, a lot of that DOING goes right out the window. Its been a struggle for me to let that go, but as a Mom, I have to put what's best for my child first, what's best for me second and whats best for our family as a whole third. I knew that if we went to the Mom's group, Mr. L would miss his morning nap and be a complete disaster, with the week he'd already had I just couldn't let that happen. So, with a knot in my stomach, I texted my Moms Group friend and told her we'd be a no-show.
I was still upset about it, until right at 9am, which is exactly when I would have dropped Mr. L off at the childcare room, when we had our first meltdown of the morning. As Mr. L screamed and pouted over something beyond trivial, I knew I'd made the right decision for us both. And now, several hours later as my son is blissfully taking his 2nd nap of the day (his first 2nd nap in a week), I, again have confidence that I made the right decision this morning.
|My overtired baby Laubster...still smiling for the moment|
So the bottom line is that even though deep down we're still the girls we were before we had children, the fact is, we're Mom's now and one thing that comes with being a Mom is sacrifice. Whether it's something as small as missing out on a morning function, or as huge as cancelling a dream vacation or turning down an ideal position at work, we need to really do what is best for our children and best for us and once those two parameters have been satisfied, we will automatically be doing what is best for our families.